The Year of Living Dangerously - In Review

In December of 2013 at a holiday lunch at work we got to talking about things to do in 2014 for fun. Zane suggested the “dirty man challenge” where you didn’t cut your hair or shave for an entire year. We settled on challenge of growing our hair out all year; we called it The Year of Living Dangerously. I opted to also grow my beard as well, and I had in mind a special year end tribute to a guy I once knew. We opened the challenge to others at work and soon had a group of us 12-13 of us that were participating. We gathered every week for a few minutes in my office and I’d take a weekly photo of folks to track their progress. Some started almost bald and others started out with long hair already, but most of us were your normal get your haircut every 2-3 weeks types.

By three months in things were starting to get beyond that you need a haircut stage. Ben’s wife said : “This isn’t a contest to see how long you can grow your hair, its a contest to see how long your wive’s will put with you”. Jackson took a trip home to see his mother and that did him in. Adrian started to worry that his hair was affecting his love life, and he started fantasizing about going to the barber and couldn’t stop talking about the sound of clippers. Ben’s wife visited from London and they went from the airport to the barber and Ben was shorn. Zane made it four months and he couldn’t handle the length, even though his hadn’t really gotten that long. Adrian took to wearing hats and finally he could stand it no more, he died his hair blue and cut it all off.

By this time my beard was coming in quite well and we far more impressive than the hair. Around 22 weeks and the beard needed a little trim at the barbershop (I never said I wouldn’t cut my beard, just my hair) to keep it in shape. Id forgotten how much of our daily lives are affected by personal appearance. I used to know this as a teen when I looked very different from the norm and I experienced the judgement, assumptions and perception on a regular basis. I had blond hair, then started wearing trench coats, grew my hair long and listened to the avant garde music of the day. For the most part I went through each day after grooming unaware of my beard and hair. I had got to the point where I have forgotten I had a beard. But I started noticing when I walk into the store and I’d look up and the two guys behind the counter are talking about my beard. Or the one time I came up beside Steve Armato and stood fairly close to him at his shoulder. When he turned to look at me he jumped with the start and told me he thought I was a homeless guy that was going to ask him for money.

 Eric Gregory made it through half the year to July before cutting his hair off right before a triathlon and a vacation with his family to Denmark. And then the final 7 stayed steady through the end of the year. I had by this time gotten to point where at times I hated the beard. It started with hair on the side burns and my mustache sticking up and I had to buy beard balm to keep the beard in line. Then as the beard got longer in front I bought beard conditioner to keep it soft. And the eating was a constant thing. First I had to get used to hair being in my mouth as you eat. There is a different technique to eating with a beard, you have to cut your food smaller bites, a hamburger is best eaten cut in half and attacked from the narrow corners. But at some point no matter what you do hair gets in your mouth and then at some point you just get used to it and you ask for and use a lot of napkins, like 4-5 napkins a meal.




My grooming habits in the morning started taking upwards of 15 minutes. First there is a lot more hair to dry, on top of the head and the beard. Then comes the beard balm on the sides and the mustache, then a big dollop of conditioner on the beard. Then the hair. Sometimes I’d use a light mousse which was pretty fast to apply and then come and other times I’d use a stronger stiffer hair wax that would keep it slicked down all day. But never did I ever leave the bathroom with dry hair. I gained a new respect for women with long hair that have to not only get ready but often blow it dry. Another thing that drove me crazy was when the hair grew over my ears and the very bushy side burns invaded my ear canals, especially when I would try to clean my ears with a q-tip, or put in my headphones in my ears. I used to get bunches of hair in my ears and it drove crazy.



As the year got long and he beard got longer. People began to stare; stare longer than usual when they see me. And often they would look and then do a double take to get another look. Sometimes I'd forget myself how long and bushy my hair and beard had become. I'd look up in the mirror in the bathroom and startle myself with how scruffy I’d become. At some point my beard reached a stasis, it was getting longer but not getting longer. My beard is wirey, which means that often the beard is a bit more compact, and so as the hair grew longer it was curly and wound on itself, but there are a few wild long hairs that are straight and poke out of the beard like fire flies. When you loose a hair from our beard or head and its only 1/4 of an inch long its not big deal, but when that same hair is 4 inches long it feels like the end of the world. First its way more noticeable when it falls out of your beard and you’ve worked all year on that hair and then it just falls out?

Eventually the time came for the end. My plan was to be Santa at my work and church Christmas party. I asked a Barbara if I could borrow Joe’s santa suit. I scheduled an appointment with Becca to bleach my hair. This is a chemically caustic process that is bad enough when its on your head and you can feel your scalp burn, but try putting it on your beard and mustache right under your nose. Things got so bad I had to use a straw to breathe out of while I waited for the die to take. I had to die it one more time before Santa was ready. 

Dressed as Santa I looked unrecognizable, even to myself. Without the Santa suit it was disconcerting to see myself with all white hair. I felt like I was 80 years old. I had a great time being Santa. The kids were fantastic, those that believed were in awe and wonder, those that were skeptical tugged at my beard to see if it was real and those that were horrified just screamed. Walking around at work and the city dressed as Santa was pretty cool. Everyone wanted to say hi to you, lots of folks wanted their photo taken with you and folks were just downright nice. The suit was super hot though and it had no pockets. Don’t even think about going to the bathroom cause you had a big belt, a coat and suspenders to get off. Stacey even joined me as Mrs Claus at the church party. But after Santa was over I couldn’t wait for a change. Since I had white hair I thought when would I ever have such a chance again so I died my hair blue and my beard pink and I went to church on day and the next day to work.

Then came the cutting off. My first cut in well over a year. I asked Becca to come by Monday evening and I proceeded to cut off my beard in interesting ways, Becca gave me a hair cut and we died my hair and eyebrows brown. I was back to the old me, short hair, no beard and a double chin.


As I wrote on Facebook the best about being clean shaven and short hair :

• I had a 5 second shower and a 15 second grooming ritual. Much much shorter! 
• I ate food without worrying about hair in my mouth or food in my hair (beard) 
• how many people at work didn't recognize me, at all! Especially the people in the new org who only met me as big hair Mark 

I don't like :

• the "coolness" on my face 
• the double chin I haven't seen for a year 
• not having a beard 

And so for 2015 I’ve decided to lose 30 lbs. And I am definitely growing a beard back, not as long as it was in December but definitely longer than I had it two years ago, after all I know how to handle it.

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